Random Acts of MEESH.

I’m sitting here at work… again. I don’t even know if I could call it work. Honestly I really feel like I’m not doing anything. It’s not that it’s not rewarding. I like my patient, but I don’t think I’m doing her any justice. I don’t think I’m doing this right. And I always feel like everyday she’s going to sack me.

She’s started being more sarcastic towards me. Generally about my being “lost” in the house. I guess I move too slow for her. But then again everytime I go downstairs I go to the bathroom because I like that bathroom better. There isn’t that seat thingie that makes me feel uncomfortable.

So yeah. There’s that. And the creepy sound my computer is making. Who knows why it’s making these sounds. I’ve made space on it. Now it must be that something is wrong with the fan. le sigh. I hope it doesn’t die. That would just be another thing that I need in my life right?

I dunno. Maybe I should go back to PCs. But they take so long. And I love my MacBookPro. I can’t live without it.

What am I going to do?

I’ve entered into a contest on MTF, my favorite forum. It’s a beauty pageant of all things. What’s an ugly like me doing in a beauty contest? Hell if I know. A big part of me wants to get out of it. I’m nervous and I just want it to stop. But there’s nothing else to do if I don’t do this.

I need something to do. I should write my stories. I should find a writing group to join. Have a life. Something. I need and want something more than a life online. But not with my friends. I don’t want the same things they do. I don’t think we’ve been on the same page for years. Le sigh. What to do. what to do.

I’m trying to stay awake, where as she’s trying to get to sleep. She’s having trouble sleeping and is talking about home. Apparently home is Long Island, eleven miles from the Atlantic Ocean. She speaks with such a wistful tone as if she wants nothing else but to be back there.

I feel sorry for the fact that she ever had to leave. The way she speaks of it, makes it sound as if that place was made for her. I wonder if she had the opportunity, even as she is, if she’d go back there.

I’m sitting here, bored out of my mind, listening to the clock tick tock. Surfing the internet is pretty much all I do while I’m working here, I should try and do some more research on Parkinson’s or at least caretaking, but I hate using the internet to do it. There’s too many websites with information that I don’t want. Besides, I like books.

Anyways, like I said, I’m sitting here surfing the internet… and I go on twitter and see that someone I know posted “Hi. I’m high =]” I don’t know if it’s just me, but I really don’t want to read that. How stupid is that? Part of me is glad I don’t hang out with my friends too much because all they do is party… every weekend is a house party. Every weekend is an excuse to get fucked up, shitfaced, and faded. That’s not me.

I like a drink or two, but it’s not cool. I don’t feel impressed by people who are always talking about how they’re high right now. Or just people who post just to say that they’re high/drunk. It’s getting to be a bit of a bother.

I am bored. I wish I had a friend to talk to. Or someone to cuddle with… or at least lean on. Someone like that cute guy on MTF. he’s really cute. What am I going to do… speed dating maybe? lol hmmm… maybe I’ll web search that.

Howdy ho! So of course it’s been forever and a day since I’ve posted on my blog, not that anyone reads this, actually I don’t know if ANYONE can read this, considering the fact that I don’t have any followers, nor do I follow anybody.

Sometimes I kinda wish that I could magically become someone’s go to blog, but it’s not going to happen.

I’m sitting here at work. Yes, work. I’ve got a job! Woot! But unfortunately I do not think I am doing to well of a job. It’s not too difficult and I do enjoy it, but I don’t know if my performance is well. I guess it is because I am inexperienced, but I feel like I could do better. I don’t know what the proper way of doing that is.

I need to sign up for the first aid training as well as set an appointment for my court date. Apparently I got ticketed by one of the main traffic guys. Just my luck right? Always happens to me.

Shit. I just realized that Kai’s luncheon is on the 16th and I’m working that day. I am going to go to work, because I need the money. I don’t want to cancel. I know that Cathy needs some time out of the house, she’s probably here for quite a majority of the day. I don’t know if she wants to have a couple days in the morning, but I’m willing to do that *big grin*

I’m kind of bored at the moment but I don’t know if I should watch something. Yesterday I watched something and I didn’t do too well with the job… I was also feeling out of sorts anyway.

I think that I’m going to borrow Kuya’s nursing book and see if I could get some stuff out of that, I don’t know what I could get out of it, but I’ll definitely try. I’m also considering crashing an ethics class. OMG I don’t know what I’m going to do in that situation…. I hate having to stand where I feel like I’m on display. And of course I’ll be taking all my fluff classes. haha. I don’t know where I’m going these days. Some days I know that I want to be a nurse, some days I don’t. I don’t really have enough faith in myself right now, but I want to do something. Do I have what it takes to save the world? I don’t know.

It was weird this weekend, MTF is having a popularity contest, and I was nominated… I don’t know when it started but I got this very weird, unyielding urge to win in the first round… so much so that it was bothering me and I actually cried a little when I got very little votes. It is understandable though, as I am not a popular poster in GM… people are too mean there and one must have thick skin to go. I, of course, do not have thick skin… I am so sensitive. haha.

There must be something more that I can do during these 12 hours at work. It gets to be so daunting to just sit here and wait for her to need me. I hope that she doesn’t mistake my sighs of frustration at myself as sighs against her. It’s not that way at all. She is a kind lady and seems to be the kind of fiesty kind of lady, but she did say that she got along very well with everyone she knew. So I don’t know in that situation.

I must say that at this moment, my typing is a little better than usual. As of late, my typing skills have gone down the drain, probably because I am not using it as much as I used to. See, now my typing skills are crap because I just jinxed myself. Also, my spelling is quite off and that one I don’t understand. I feel as if my intelligence is going somewhere else. That sucks.

Nine more hours to go.